the "i'm happy for you" smörgåsbord

It is funny to think how one phrase can mean so many things depending on who you say it to. Lately, I find myself overanalyzing what I really mean when I say "I'm happy for you" to the person I'm talking to, be it a friend, a family member, a lover, or a complete stanger. What's most surprising to me is how much more I learn about myself each time I say it.

Sincere Frisky:

• "That makes me very happy, too!"
• "It means a lot that you're sharing this with me."
• "I'm so damn proud of you."
• "This calls for a celebration."
• "You totally deserve it."
• "You have my support."
  

Frisky, the envious homo:

• "Dang! Why didn't I think of that?!?"
• "No fair!"
• "Somebody give me a voodoo doll and a lock of this bitch's hair!"
• "When do I get my turn?"
• "You greedy bitch! You hardly deserve it."
  

Frisky the snob:

• "So what?"
• "I'm not impressed, but 'yay' for you."
• "Get over it."
• "It might take a while to throw you a parade. Can we talk about something else in the meantime?"
  

Grinchy McTwink, the bitter wench:

• "You have some nerve gloating in my presence, you self-absorbed whore!"
• "How does an asshole like you earn something so wonderful like that?"
• "Somebody give me a cigarette!" or "I sooo need another drink"
• "Thanks for breaking my heart (again)"
  

Saying things without any sincerity isn't exactly foreign--even to the best of us. Perhaps it's because we don't want to be impolite. In my case, I believe I become insincere mostly because I've been caught off guard and don't really know what to say. Sometimes I say or think it because I foresee the emotional impact of such news too unbearable to deal with. In this case, my sentiment is usually one volatile dose of joy, envy, rejection, and envy.

The (current) object of my affection may perhaps be on the verge of falling in love. Though I'm far from heartbroken, I do need a drink or ten. Throw in a couple Motrin and eight glasses of water for the morning after.

No need to play me your stupid violin, folks--I know can be such a selfish bastard.